Ahh, stressmass, quite possibly my least favourite time of the year.
It seems to be all about running around like blue-arsed fly trying to keep everyone else happy by conforming to some socially accepted conventions – which have absolutely nothing to do with celebration, other than the retailers celebrating yet another victory in their tills. Don’t get me wrong, I actually like buying presents for people – but when it’s on my terms. You know, just being able to be nice because you feel like it, rather than because it’s expected because of some arbitrary date on the calendar. Where’s the pleasure in giving or receiving gifts out of some kind of obligation?
The last few Christmases have been pretty shite really. Since my Dad died Mum has no interest in xmas and so there’s no point in cooking a big christmas dinner etc. as there’s nobody to eat it. Last year was nice as I had a proper big christmas dinner with Kel’s family but that was only because my mum was recovering from an operation a couple of days before xmas an just wanted to sleep it off. This year I’ll probably end up with beans on toast in front of the telly.
Then there’s where to go and when. For the last few of years Kel & Callum have stayed at mine on xmas eve/xmas morning which was nice. I like the waking up and opening our pressies together, but even that makes me feel guilty as hell because Kel’s always said she’d really rather just stay at home for once and not run around to suit other people (and I can hardly argue about that can I). But then if I stay at her place I’ve got to leave my mum home alone on xmas morning for the first time in 67 years and so I feel like an utter cunt either way.
This would be so much easier if we had out own place as then we’d have no hassles over where to stay and could have our own xmas dinner at home and everyone could come there. One day eh? It’s been uber-frustrating for years to be held back by debts but thankfully that yolk round my neck will soon be lifted as I’ll have mine all paid off in a few months (woo!) and getting our own place will be one step closer, just need to pay off Kel’s now!
Ahh fuck it, maybe I’ll just go hide in the cupboard until Sunday. Wake me up when it’s all over eh?
